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Thursday, April 18, 2019

30-day Blogging Challenge: A Letter to Someone. Anyone

Day 2: Stuff You're Not Good At
Day 3: Your Top 5 Pet Peeves

Dear Josh,

I wanted to start this letter by saying "Are you watching over me from Heaven?" But being agnostic, it's hard for me to accept or believe that. I don't find comfort in any of it. I remember only a few days after you died, the only thing that made any sense to me was to take a walk at night on my parent's property where the stars were brightly shining, and talk to the heavens as if you could hear me. It was cathartic, even though I didn't believe that you could actually hear anything I said. I remember that I believed you to be a ghost that was hanging around with unfinished business, because that seemed a lot more feasible to me and gave me an excuse to have conversations with you.

I still miss you. I think about you almost every damn day. I wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't been such an idiot and just taken you to the ER when you were sick. I still feel guilty about my choices and how you suffered needlessly. It's been 14 years and I don't think I'll ever be able to let that go. It has become a part of me and my being, and it has helped me sharpen my focus on others.

I do sometimes wonder if you're aware of my happiness, or worry about my future. As logical and scientific as I am, it would be nice to know that your consciousness didn't just fade into the ether. I want you to know that you no longer have to worry about either.

We both believed that we were meant for each other; that we were soulmates. The things we had in common were staggering. We even had the same thoughts at the same time. Our histories were similar, which garnered similar personalities. When you died, I was convinced that I would never find someone as good as you. Someone who could love me just the way I was; with my quirks and all. If you were at all aware of my existence after you passed away, I am certain you were concerned regarding my choices after you died. I've been through some things that were painful, but I've chocked them up to life experience. I had to go through some bumps in the road, but I believe I have finally found what I was seeking.

Josh, I have found your equal. I never thought it would even be possible. It's the knowing. The knowing that I have found my match, my partner, my Number One, despite only having known him for a short while. The connection I feel is remarkable. It is like nothing I have felt with anyone else since your death. Every other love felt forced. This feels 100% natural; as easy as breathing, just as it was with you.

I've never been this happy. He treats me right, Josh. Just know that even though you are no longer here with me, I'm still being taken care of. I will never stop loving you, but I have made room in my heart for another, and I know you would approve.

Rest in Peace, my Joshie.

Love,

Kat




Wednesday, April 10, 2019

I hope I'm a decent teacher

I don't know everything. I know, ya'll are shocked. Before my obsessive drive to watch everything from Linus Tech Tips, I already knew a fairly decent amount about PC's; I had even built my own completely from scratch just last year (placing the CPU and the cooler for the first time because the last time I'd upgraded I was living with Justin and I had him do it because I was too scared that I would damage something). But that was just the basics. I know quite a bit more than before now thanks to youtube.

Patrick, my boyfriend, was in dire need of a computer upgrade. He was boasting a Micro-ATX ASUS motherboard with single channel 8GB RAM stick and an AMD FX-8300 CPU with a NVIDIA 750Ti video card.

not an actual pic of his machine, but close enough!

He didn't even know this. I had him download CPU-Z so that I knew what I was dealing with. And all of my old components were better than his by a long shot. Oddly enough, he had a better PSU than mine, but that wasn't horribly surprising because mine was a super generic silver box. At least his was semi-modular. The only things he had to buy was a CPU cooler (A Hyper 212 EVO, of course), a thermal pad (because hellz yeah) and an SSD because we were working with a 1TB HDD (probably at 5400 RPMs. Ugh.)

I was trying my best to teach him as much as I could regarding the building of his own PC. What wires did what and where they went, how to place a CPU, and most importantly - PLACE THE IO SHIELD FIRST! xD
I think we worked pretty well as a team. I do hope he learned something. He will need to upgrade again at some point, but considering what he was already working with prior to this upgrade, he might not need to for a while. But when he does, he will have to replace the mobo/CPU/RAM all at once because it's already outdated by several years (Sandybridge architecture and DDR3 RAM).

The best part is that when we were finally done putting it together, I plugged it in to my monitor and it posted on first boot! Ahhhhh, such an amazing feeling. CPU thermals at idle were great with the new thermal pad, and all the RAM was accounted for. The only thing left was to get WIN10 on the SSD and we were set. It took all evening but we got it done!

He told me once that I am the only person he has dated who doesn't know sports, and I told him he's the only person that I've dated that doesn't know computers! But that's ok - he's willing to learn! And I think we had a good time while we were at it.


Monday, April 8, 2019

30-Day Blogging Challenge: Stuff You're Not Good At

Day 3 Here (this is where it starts)

Well isn't this an excellent post to make me feel like crap about myself? lol I think the obvious answer here is math. I've kind of given up with anything that even remotely takes effort when it comes to trying to figure out real-world math issues. With my phone glued to my palm, I've pretty much allowed my brain to gel out with even simple tasks like addition or subtraction. I have a tip calculator for restaurants. I haaaate places that force me to tip while they're standing there waiting because I can not do this shit in my head and I look like a damn noob pulling out my phone just to figure it out. I'm actually quite happy about the ipad app that gives me tipping options, though. At least there is that.
The only thing I wish I knew were ways to figure out certain problems. I would sometimes call my dad to "math something out" because I don't know how to reach the conclusion that I need. For example, and this is an extremely simplistic one, is how to figure out tax or like 15% off when I don't have the option to use the % sign in the calculator.

I'm also not good at sympathy/empathy. It's not that I don't possess either trait, it's just something that doesn't really mesh with my logical side.

I can certainly feel bad for others' situations, especially when they're super close to me like a boyfriend or my parents. But beyond that, I find it more difficult to express. Sometimes I skip Empathy and go straight to compassion. I do have compassion for those close to me. But I always think of situations logically, which can make me seem cold and distant. It's not that I don't care, but it's hard for me to show it sometimes.

What about you guys? What kind of stuff are you not good at?

Friday, April 5, 2019

30-Day Blogging Challenge: Your Top 5 Pet Peeves


Okay, I'll admit it, I failed that challenge a long time ago. In fact, it's been so long now that the original link I posted for the challenge from another blogger doesn't even exist anymore, so I no longer have the original list. I believe I ended on Day 8. So I think what I'm going to do is find a new list and kind of jump around; a lot of the topics listed I actually already inadvertently covered in prior posts.

#7 was covered here.
#9 has a similar post here.
#28 is a repeat of #7
#8 was covered in Day 1 of my original challenge, found here
#29 was pretty much answered here

So challenge day 3 seems like a good place to start. I probably have way too many pet peeves because I get annoyed rather easily. I don't have a whole lot of patience for people, especially dumb people. (whoops, did I just say that in my out loud voice?)

#1 Encompasses a lot. LEARN TO DRIVE. Use your damn turn signal. Quit endangering others with your reckless driving. If you're old and you can't see, take a damn Uber. This is not the first time this guy has parked here. He's old, and he obviously doesn't understand road signs. He should NOT be driving.This is something I say a lot "pay the fuck attention". (shut up, grammar police.) Get off your phone, watch for the green light, obey road signs. Why is it so difficult?

#2 People who are oblivious of their surroundings and are inconsiderate of others. I sometimes wonder if I should have grown up in Japan. They are a very conscientious people and are always considerate of others. I hate it when people are blocking entire walkways for no reason, whether with their body or like with a shopping cart. There are people who are just rude and don't care, or are completely oblivious. You're coughing in my face without covering your mouth. You're playing your music loudly in public without earphones for everyone around you to hear. Are you taking up 2 parking spaces because you legit can't park like a normal person or because you don't want anybody to ding your precious vehicle? I don't know about you, but I absolutely hate shopping at Costco on Samples day. It's the epitome of frustration.

#3 People who are chronically late. I can genuinely shrug off an occasion or two, sometimes even I run into unexpected traffic or other issues, but some people just don't care about being late, or are unable to manage their own time to the point of just being late due to that. This kind of bleeds into #2, really. I'm a chronic early bird. I always make sure I have enough time to get where I'm going, even with anticipation of traffic or other issues. I'm considerate of others and their time.

#4 People who can't take direction or know direction. I can certainly get lost from time to time, it's
not like I'm perfect, but damn, people. This is directly correlated to my job, and has only become a pet peeve because it doesn't just happen occasionally, but EVERY. DAMN. DAY. ALL. DAY. LONG.
Ste 202 is next door. With the big HONKING sign that literally has an arrow pointing to the door. The lab is on the other side. With an arrow pointing at it.
I get the Lynne Clark/Lynn Clark mix up. We have an ARNP Lynn Clark and there is a Breast Surgeon Lynne Clark, MD who is in a completely different building. But the issue is not that they get confused, but that some of them get pissed off about it and want to argue with me. I'm sorry to have to tell you this but no, I'm not lying, this is NOT the Lynn Clark you are looking for, and the Princess is in another castle.

#5 While I could name several minor things that irk me every day, like - lady, I'm on the phone, can you not stand directly in my face waiting for my call to finish in order to check you in? There's this thing called HIPAA and more importantly: personal space. But, I'll go with something complicated and big. Intolerance/bigotry/racism. I have no tolerance (am I being hypocritical? lol) for people that don't respect others, regardless of ethnicity, age, gender or social status. Treat everybody with dignity and respect. End of story.

What about you? What pet peeves bug you the most? Let me know in the comments!


Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Stop Looking

They say that when you stop looking, you will find what you need. I hadn't necessarily been looking; in fact, I was content in my solitude for the most part. I also knew that, despite movies like Isn't It Romantic, the odds of running into my soulmate by dropping papers on the ground and him helping to pick them up, and our eyes locking, and next thing you know we're getting married - kind of a stretch, right? 


So I knew that even though I felt pretty happy about my singleness, I wasn't exactly averse to dating again. I just never felt like putting forth the effort it required to get back into the game - until I saw an ad for a dating website called geek2geek. It's one of those things you find that you never knew you needed until you see it. This was exactly what I was looking for. Being a total geek at heart, I knew that if I found someone with similar interests then we would probably mesh very well. However, after I made a profile I didn't really do anything with it. I took the approach of "they will find me", and it wasn't necessarily because I was lazy or scared, but because I was still content with my alone time. I took the mentality of the "stop looking" advice and just let it be. I don't believe in fate in the slightest; I don't think our lives are already running on a predetermined route that can not be altered by events. I do believe that we have control of our own destinies. 

When I got a message (my first one, after being on the site for probably a month), I'll admit - I hesitated in answering for a couple of days. But then I decided to give it a shot because why not? He seemed nice. He loved Star Trek. Played World of Warcraft. One date would certainly not hurt. And it was because of this decision in my life that everything shifted 180 degrees.

Have you ever heard the saying "when you know, you know"?

I know.

Never in my life have I known this much. Not since Josh. 

The connection we have was almost instantaneous. It has only grown since our first meeting. It's the kind of thing that makes you wonder if soulmates exist, or whether or not you might have more than one in your lifetime. Granted, we are still in the "honeymoon phase" I suppose, and who knows how long that will last, but I feel as though we have a very solid foundation to build on. I'm excited to see where this goes.

It's amazing what you find when you stop looking, huh?