I'd never had a need to set myself on this scale before. I'd never dated anybody that had grossly outmatched me. And I'm not just judging pure looks, here. I'm talking about life in general.
Maybe I'm underestimating myself. Maybe my self esteem is in the toilet. Maybe I'm not a 4. I could be a 5; perhaps even a 6 if I lost more weight. But regardless, I am not on the same level as the man I'm dating, and I'm bewildered.
I rated myself before I saw this scale, but I'm probably not too far off still.
His sordid stories of girls he's dated is as varied, unique, and downright creepy as any I've ever heard. We're talking people who message him on the dating websites asking to make them pregnant with his babies. As their first message. He's apparently dealt with stalkers. He's always got a story to tell about some chick who wants to date him despite factors such as them being married, or living in another state. He's got the looks and the personality to get dates, in which he's had many. I feel as though I'm dating a Captain Kirk. For hot women, this may not even phase them. After all, hot women get dates, and they've probably been on many themselves. But I can't even relate to this. I feel as though I'm just one in a line of many.
He can obviously get whomever he wants. So why is he with a 4?
And like I mentioned before, it's not all about looks. I'm not even on the same level as this guy. I'm barely on the same planet. At 27, he's already been to college and has a job as a manager at some large company that has the whole "be ruthless to get ahead" mentality when it comes to promotions (which I could never do.) He makes bookoo bucks. Has like, a million friends. And part of what bugs me is exactly that. Because of his occupation, he finds himself with doctor and lawyer friends.
The only doctor I know is the one I work for. As his receptionist.
I guess I find myself intimidated by his success. And in a way that's kind of weird, because I'm not somebody who is striving to be "at the top". I didn't go to college because I didn't want to. I'm not ruthlessly trying to get ahead at my job. I'm not attempting to attain a high position of status. I'm just not not that kind of person. I am satisfied. So really, I have nothing to be jealous about. But maybe it's not about jealously, maybe it's about feeling inadequate and wondering why I'm even on his radar.
He's told me none of this bothers him, which is kind of obvious (as he's dating me) but still confuses the hell out of me. I need to be able to see myself in a better light and to give myself some credit. Obviously, he sees something in me that he likes, and I need to inflate my self-esteem a bit. We'll see how it goes.
Have you ever dated anybody completely out of your league? How did it feel? Tell me about it in the comments!