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Friday, March 29, 2013


This was a note-post I made on Facebook on December 30th, 2011. I'm posting it now, as my birthday draws closer, because I wanted again to go to Chopstix. Unfortunately, they have closed down (and have been closed for a while, apparently). I am extremely saddened by this news. Luckily though, I will always have this memory. Enjoy!

I have found my new favorite bar! (Wait, what am I saying? I don't even really go to bars). BUT, Mary and I decided to bar hop last night since I was off today (Friday) and we could take advantage of the less... erm, crowds. I call it bar hopping but I think that requires 3 or more bars... since we only visited two I would rather say we "got bored at the first bar and went to another bar"-hopping lol. The Six Olives, being a lounge and all that, looked nice, but was completely boring. They were playing jazz-like music, and us and a couple (probably on a date) were the only ones there. And the bartender still didn't pay us much attention. I mean, it was happy hour from 4pm-7pm, and we got there around 5:30 on a Thursday, so we knew the place wasn't gonna be hoppin', but damn lol. I had bought a Groupon for $20 for $10, so I wanted to check it out... I'd seen their menu and a couple of drinks looked promising. I had two different kinds, both chocolate related martini-type drinks, for $9.95 a piece. That was enough for me. Yikes. They were both tasty but too strong. Mary had a "Squeeze You", which took advantage of the different weights of liquid. At the bottom was the Midori, or melon liqueur, in the middle was the OJ, and on the top was the cranberry, and squeezed in there somewhere was the Absolut vodka. It tasted like a Sex on the Beach, a really good one. And her glass was big and it was on the happy hour tab so she only paid like $5.95. Lucky. She also ordered us some seasoned fries, but they were over-fried. Still good, but much too crunchy. So, after I paid MY tab of $1.75 + tip, I knew Chopstix was right next to this place so we headed on over.

At this point it was about 6:30, and through the windows we found a guy just putting down the chairs. Mary and I walked in, asking if they were open. He said yes, so we came inside. So yeah, we were the only ones there. The owner (manager?)/bartender was really sweet and nice. Looked like a mix of Chef Michael Symon and Chef Michael Psilakis (which is kinda funny because they look like twin brothers anyway) without the soul patch/chinbeard. Anyway, me being ever gullible, he told us that Keith (his work buddy) and he do a strip pre-show for extra cash, and to which my response was "really??" but my "really?'s" aren't born out of excitement and expectation, it's meant more as a "o rly?" or "u serious?" but I was sure that's not how it sounded anyway. He said "naw, not really", and I was actually relieved. Mary was all for it, but I'd been nervous since I never really liked that sort of thing :P (See, two strong drinks down the hatch; I was already feeling the buzz, and I *still* wasn't interested in a strip show lol) Honestly, I don't change much when I drink. I mean, sure I get happy and giggly and I may do small things that I normally wouldn't (for example, asking somebody for the time. My normal self would be like "no, I'd rather never know what time it is than walk up to a stranger and ask!") but I never get drunk enough to take straight shots, or drink beer, or do something really out of whack like watch a strip-show lol.

Anyway, I digress. My first drink was Hypnotiq-martini based, and hers was something very similar to the "Squeeze You" and the Sex on the Beach lol. He told us that the dueling pianos didn't start until about 8:30, but I wanted to hang out there until then, even though the place was decidedly empty. It was still better than The Six Olives, which had a very intimate setting and our voices carried through the entire place. Chopstix, however, was laid out nice and big with high ceilings. Mary was not interested in hanging out here until 8:30, but I didn't want to go any place else. I was looking out the window, and across the street was CrownBaR (with a backwards R, mind you), that looked much too hole-in-the-wall tavern-esque (with a flashing Budweiser sign on the window) to be my type of hangout. (however, as I am now looking at their website that is not the case lol). I knew Hells Kitchen was close by, but even having never been inside, I knew it was very goth/emo/punk. The people that stood outside of it could gouge you with their wrist-spikes. There was Jazzbones, but I really did not want to go to a jazz bar. Although, while listening to the rap that blew out the speakers there at Chopstix, I almost did want to leave lol (I decided to blast my own music out of my phone, which only slightly helped) But the bartender was very nice, and there was no point in driving anywhere else because we were sure to lose our parking space. He gave us a drink suggestion after we finished our first round of something he concocted called the White Gummy Bear or something like that (he and his waitress twin sister spoke to us occasionally but thanks to the music and the high ceilings I could barely hear what they said most of the time) which he said had vanilla vodka but wouldn't divulge anything else. I asked him if it had carbonation, as this was the bane of my alcoholic existence. He said very little, so he made Mary one and I tried hers. It was really good so I ordered one for myself. He told us that they had a birthday party and a bachlorette party that night and they should be arriving soon but as of 7:30 we were still the only ones there lol (I think there might have been 1 other lady that showed up at some point). I liked that we were getting all the attention, though. Mary had ordered the ultimate nachos, and I decided to try their Steak Skewer appetizers. OMG. They were AMAZEBALLS. (That is Wil Wheaton's word, not mine lol). Deliciously seasoned, just the tiniest bit spicy, and perfectly pink inside. Wow. He came back to our table a bit later with another drink suggestion, but this one I didn't partake in, as I don't really do shots or even double shots. It was called the Wedding Cake, and when I sipped Mary's it definitely tasted like a wedding cake (which is odd since wedding cakes can be radically different) but it was incredibly strong and I was glad I hadn't ordered it. Instead, I'd had the plan all along to order a Black Opal.

Okay, quick history. Back when I worked in Auburn, I'd hung out with work friends once at a sports bar. I ordered a Black Opal, and I was told it had blue curaco in it and not chambord (which technically made it a Blue Opal) It was so freaking good. It's like a Long Island in terms of many different liquors in one glass, and yet they're so well blended you can't even taste that it's alcoholic. It was now my go-to drink. Every bar I'd gone to since, I would ask for a Black Opal and compare it to the place in Auburn. I'd never found a suitable replacement.
Until now.

Two sips and I was already not able to walk a straight line. I was pretty much okay up to the Blue Opal. I had been in communication with Justin about taking advantage of the program Pierce County has going until Jan 1st, where tow-truck companies will drive you home and tow your car for free (but I had to warn him that he might have to pick up Mary). I was also trying to get Monica to join us, since we were kind of bored and alone in Chopstix, but she politely declined. We were on our own, and since I was unwilling to leave, we played a game of Scrabble on my Kindle Fire. As boring as that sounds, I was really enjoying myself. Being buzzed, hanging out with Mary in an empty bar playing Scrabble was kind of fun.
Anyway, people finally began to show up at about 8pm, and the bar was getting busy and crowded. The real fun started at about 9, when the dueling pianos began. Hell yes. If you'd never seen dueling pianos, you are missing out on some epic awesomeness. I'd seen my first set back when I was working in Auburn during our Christmas Party. You have to be able to not only play the piano flawlessly, but you have to be able to sing well and have fun with the audience. And you have to know, by heart, the lyrics and score to just about every popular song on the planet because yes, they do requests. They had a rule there that the more money you put with your request, the higher the priority. (and if they start singing a song you hate, you can overrule it with money of your own) Having only $1 to my name, I wrote "Any Way You Want It" by Journey as my #1, and "Piano Man" by Billy Joel as my number two (which I'm sure they play just about every night).

Okay, a bit more history. During said Christmas Party in Auburn, they were doing (free) requests, and I wrote down "Any Way You Want It". At the time, it was one of my favorite songs ever. I played in almost continuously. And what did they play? "Don't Stop Believin'". Close, but no cigar. I was bitter.

Okay, back to present day. I really wanted them to play my song. Mary and I waited quite a while as they shuffled through all the higher priority music. They ended up playing Piano Man, which Mary said that HAD to have been my request ticket. More bitterness.
I had $5. It was meant for my friend, but I could always get $5 more later. Right now, I wanted my damn song lol So, I wrote it down again, and after waiting a little while longer (it was about 10:30 at this point) Mary finally took it up there. Was it worth $5? You freaking bet it was lol Because when I get jipped earlier in life, I don't give up. I hold onto that bitterness until I can finally extract "revenge". Revenge is sweet.
After they played my song, we left. It had been over 2 hours since my last drink, so I was doing pretty good. I might have been over a .08, but without a point of reference I wasn't sure. I drove fine, if not a little under the speed limit (and not on purpose). I had one of my caramel mudslides when I got home (it's just caramel vodka, Kahula mudslide and milk) which got rid of my pounding headache for the time being. Mary decided to stay the night and we watched Christopher Titus's Neverlution stand up until I fell asleep half way through. I went to bed right before Karl got home at 1am.

I hadn't drank enough to throw up (I never have) but I had a freaking WEIRD hangover; when I went to bed I was FREEZING. My feet are usually freezing cold when I go to bed anyway, but I was literally shivering; my teeth were chattering. I was holding myself and my upper body wasn't even cold yet I couldn't stop shaking. It took me quite a while to fall asleep in that condition. Which, by the way, I probably have some of the worst pre-vomit hangovers of anyone. Since my body is pretty much always in a dehydrated state (I've gone back to my old habit of hardly drinking anything, ever) drinking alcohol greatly intensifies the hangover potential, probably almost to dangerous levels. But, when I woke up this morning about 8am I was almost perfectly fine.
That was a fun night. I WILL go back for my birthday.

Not my picutre. Good times to be had, though!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Murphy Falls

I like hiking and walking in the woods. I don't do it nearly often enough because although Washington has awesome hiking locations, it's only spring and summer about 4 months out of the year - so a very short window. That and it rains a lot. And I'm lazy lol. But David loves being out in the woods, so now I have somebody that I can go with.

I like the tough terrain. Although I'd be happy with walking well maintained trails, I find some kind of satisfaction from walking on trails that are much more difficult. I'm happy trekking through the woods, although the salal around here is a bitch to get through. But I've been forcing my own path through the forest for years.

Frack this shit covers everything. There's no such
thing as a "forest floor" around here.

Yesterday I took a PTO day because I could. I don't have anybody to cover for me while I'm out, so taking a day where I don't come back to a ton of work is a rare thing. Since David has Mondays off, we decided to hang out for a while. He needed some open air, and he'd told me about this place called Murphy Falls, on the way to a small town called Elbe. Murphy Falls does not have a well-maintained trail(s). In fact, I think the only reason there even was a trail is not because a forest service came by and made one, but because of deer and people walking to the Falls lol

Anyway, walking the trail down to the Falls was not too difficult, but I am afraid of slipping and falling on steep terrain, which this had a lot of. Also mud. Lots of nasty mud. I also had to walk across a train bridge (luckily abandoned tracks!) with the river rushing below me, which I could see through the slats. That was not an easy thing. I have a... healthy fear of heights lol. David helped me with a lot of the nastier bits of the "trail", which I was very appreciative of. Once we got to the Falls, the views were spectacular. 

When we went all the way down to the river, we kind of lost the "trail" lol. We just walked alongside the river for a while; the rocks surrounding the water were conveniently covered in a moss to make them safe to walk on. We went over fallen trees, walked across beaver dams (or he thinks they were man made.) and onto an actual old dam no longer in use. We walked until we kind of reached the end, where we were going to have to go back up in order to move on. We had three choices - go back the way we'd come and try to scout out a way back up, trek forward and see if there was some kind of semblance of a trail, or just go up the embankment. He knew where we were, and knew that was our way back to the car. I was in favor of going straight up. At this point, we'd be trekking through some pretty tough terrain for about an hour, and believe it or not, it was quite an exhilarating feeling, even though my legs were so tired they were shaking and I actually feared them collapsing at a very bad moment. David was perfectly fine climbing the embankment (I'd say it was at least 50 degrees. Not straight up, but enough to need roots and plants to hold onto) as he often goes places where he needs to make his own trails. It also looked to be at least 100 feet to the top, so quite a ways. Plus the ground was still slick from a recent rain. We took it slow and we did all right. I was afraid of falling backwards even though I was basically using my hands to help me up the whole way. 

This was looking down from about half way up the embankment

We reached the top and I just about collapsed. I had to stay on my knees for a moment! But I was smiling. I felt accomplished and as hard as it was, I was thinking *Achievement Unlocked* (a gaming reference for those of you unsure). We were now back on the road that would lead us to the train tracks and eventually, my car. My legs were shaking so badly at this point that I needed David to steady me as we walked across the tracks lol I didn't trust myself enough to not have my foot slip between the slats this time. We made it back in good time. My CardioTrainer was running on my phone the whole time, and it says we were out for a little over an hour and 30 minutes. It says I burned 900 calories, but it also assumed we walked over 6 miles, which wasn't the case because the map it shows of our walk is pretty messed up lol. But I would say we did about 4 miles, and I might have burned at least 600 calories. 

The entire walk was amazing. We got to see nature that not a lot of other people get to see. I saw myself in the mirror this morning and noticed that I looked invigorated. As hard of a hike as that was, it was too incredible to pass up. I'm so glad David showed it to me, and I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

This One Thing About Me...

There's a part of me, of my personality, that I didn't realize I even had until recently. I learn more about myself almost every day it seems, and it's actually strange to still be in discovery about it. But I'm to the point where I can openly admit it, and that can sometimes be a very tough thing to do.

I'm clingy.

We're talking static electricity. Laundry lint. Cat hair. Magnets.

Since I haven't been in very many relationships, it was hard to know this about myself at first. And then I denied it for a while, of course. The strange thing is that it happened with Justin and not only did I not realize it (and/or thought it was perfectly normal) but Justin wasn't completely put off by it either. Why, I don't know. Smothering someone usually pushes them away pretty quickly. 

I had many excuses for my behavior. Obviously, when you're in love with someone, you can get attached. You want to spend time with them, learn everything about them etc. But there is a fine line that can be crossed. My other excuse was that because of my late fiancee's death, only slightly longer than a year before meeting Justin, I was scared of losing the person I was with. Afraid that he might disappear. 

Things moved very quickly with Justin. I think I was filling a void left in my heart. Justin and I never really dated, per se. I think he had officially moved into my apartment within a month of us meeting in person. If my family found this odd or disturbing, I don't remember it. They probably did. We may have even had talks about it, I don't know. But Justin and I talked on the phone every day when we were away from each other. I wanted to spend every waking moment with him. I wanted to go everywhere with him. And he just went along for the ride. I didn't see it then, and I didn't realize it until I noticed a pattern happening with someone else. I was doing it again - except this time I was pushing him away, and it was the last thing in the world that I wanted to do.

This person... whom some of you know but most of you don't, is my friend. And I cling to him because he has been my only real friend throughout this mess of a separation with Justin.

Honestly... it's like an addiction of sorts. Not only do I want to talk to him constantly, but I almost feel as if I need to. It's hard to explain without going into more detail, but I don't want to share everything (shocking, right?). A couple of you already know the situation I am in. In any case, I find him extremely easy to talk to, he makes me laugh, and he's always been there for me when I needed a friend. 

And unfortunately, he's too nice to tell me to back the F off.

I finally figured it out for myself through some serious self-reflection (and a worried chat with my parents who can obviously see through the veil). I have to tell myself that I don't always need to talk to him. I can do other things. I have hobbies. I have TV I can watch. And I have to tell myself that if I keep being clingy, I will lose him. He says that I won't, but I know he doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

I'm trying, and it's more difficult than you might imagine. Mostly due to the situation I am in. I am his friend, not his girlfriend. He can take care of himself. He's been fine without me and will continue to be fine without me. I need to let go. I need to back off. These are things I must constantly tell myself. Slowly but surely, I'm releasing my vice grip, but only because I've seen how that grip affects him and it's hurting me deeply. 

I will always be there for him. I want to help him in any way I possibly can. But I still need to keep my distance. A friend's distance. 

He's a very important person in my life and I don't want to lose him. 

I can do this. 

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Stuck in Limbo

It's scary how fast you can fall for someone
It's scary how quickly things can change.
You're in a pit
with no escape
wondering what your future holds.
When someone seems so right
why cant they see it?
Why cant they feel it?
Their worries and fears become your own.
You feel everything they feel
You want nothing but their happiness;
to see them smile.

To not know what's coming
is the scariest thing of all.
Your life is about to change
in an instant
which way will it go?

You want someone to hold you when you're sad
laugh with you when you're happy
protect you when you're vulnerable
I can be that person for you.
I can be the one you want.
I can be the one you need.

...Why can't you see that?

Friday, March 1, 2013

What I'm __________ February Edition

Yes I know it's March. Shup. I've been busy and stressed and many other things. Plus, my life is so boring that I'm sure some of these will/would be the same from month to month!

EATING: Nothing new, really. Still eating tuna sandwiches. And when I'm too lazy to make up a batch (lasts 3 days) of tuna, I pour me some Life cereal and put some milk in a bottle for work and go to town lol

DRINKING: Mead!! Haha. Yeah, I know, right? Anybody that knows me knows that I hate non-hard alcohol. Beer, wine etc. And even when it's sweetened, especially mead (with honey) it's still not sweet enough for me!! (Even dessert wines I have an issue with). But when your friend makes a batch and decides to give some to you in a pretty bottle all corked and foiled, well... how could I refuse? And dammit if I say it's good.

WATCHING: Psych. Actually, I missed the first episode; I guess it started last week. But I'm still 7 seasons behind or some shit anyway lol. I just started watching it on Netflix, and I'm actually enjoying it. It's like House but funnier... and not medical related lol. It's a bit childish, but the humor is still enough to keep me watching.

LISTENING TO: WORLD ORDER. Yeah, I discovered them on Not really the best advertising there lol but I find their music very smooth and calming, yet it has that trance beat that I enjoy so much. The best part though, is their music videos. I am floored by their ability. It's strange, sure. But I really like it. And no, there's no editing. They're really walking that slow lol. It's kind of like watching a flash mob - the best part is seeing the reactions of the passersby as they make their videos! lol Watch one, they're pretty cool!

READING: Nothing new here either. I'm reading the same book as before lol I've just been busy doing other things instead of reading! But, I've got a novella of Kelley Armstrong's lined up for my next book when this one is done: Forbidden

WRITING: For the same reason I haven't been reading, I haven't been writing either! I really want to start up again, just stuck in a spot. I even have a new idea for a book... if I can ever get to the ending! :P