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Friday, August 31, 2018

Why is Lucifer so Facinating?

I don't watch stuff more than once, generally. Even if I really really like it. Sure, there are some movies I've seen more than once, like Jurassic Park, or October Sky. But even some of the greatest movies I've ever seen will only pull my attention on their initial run, never to cross my eyeballs again.
For the longest time, Star Trek is the only series (and I'm talking all of them, save Enterprise) that I've seen more than once. Some more than twice (Voyager, I'm looking at you).

And then came Lucifer.

Something about this show fascinates me, and I'm thinking it might have something to do with Tom Ellis (okay, everything to do with Tom Ellis). It's almost like I can watch each episode and it won't stick in my brain like other shows will to the point where I can't watch it again. Every time I watch an episode it's like I'm seeing it again for the first time.

By the way, I'm on re-watch number four. Yeah, you heard me. FOUR. As in, as soon as I'm done with the last season, I start over again. I know, it's crazy.

There's something about the Lucifer character that turns me to mush (could it be his charm? haha) which is very strange because he's the exact opposite of any guy I would ever look to date. He's selfish, conceited, and could almost be considered narcissistic if it wasn't for the fact that his naivete stops him from realizing how he's acting sometimes. Lucifer also treats most women as mere objects and conquests and doesn't hide how he looks at them. With the #metoo movement going on now, he'd be banished to Hell for his behavior, I'm sure.

But he's also incredibly charming, witty, and funny as hell. The British accent doesn't hurt either.
[Side note: I don't know how much of what he says is scripted or improvised, but how British he sounds is at least 50% of what makes Lucifer so well cast with Tom Ellis. Without all the British wit, it wouldn't be nearly as fun to watch.]

Lucifer actually hits all three things on my must-have list for any relationship:

1. Honesty
He never lies. It's a point of pride for him. It's especially evident in the Season 2 episode "It's a Good Day to Die" where he's sitting next to Chloe in the hospital bed and she's asking if they'll have a talk later. He doesn't even respond verbally, because he knows he's about to run away. (admittedly not the best example... lol)

[Bonus points: He never once lies about who he is. He straight up says he's the Devil from day one. Invulnerable, immortal; all that. That's another reason I love this show and why it is so unique. There are too many shows out there where the character is always trying to hide who they are and people around them almost find out (gasp!) it's kind of getting old. This is new and refreshing.]

2. Loyalty (or faithfulness)
This one is kind of up to interpretation because he's very self-centered generally. But, even when he ran away to Las Vegas to get married (a plan hatched just to get Chloe to fall out of love with him), he still came back. Because he wants to be by her side, even if it means only friendship and nothing more.

3. Humor
A man's gotta be funny!

4. Not into Kids (this should be at the top, really lol)
We gotta be on the same page.



Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Review Wednesday

Exercise equipment is one thing that I buy all the time thinking that if I just have it I'll use it, you know? I live in a small apartment and don't have room for large pieces of equipment, nor does our complex have any sort of gym. I bought a BodyBoss, which is a cool idea in theory, using resistance bands on weighted base so you don't have to deal with attaching it to a door, and if you have a bench you can do a chest press. But do I ever use it? Hell no.

I've also never spent as much money on a piece of exercise equipment as I did for my review product: Treadly. Treadly is an interesting concept. They managed to fit a huge, normally bulky treadmill into a very compact package. They do this by getting rid of everything unnecessary. You can't specifically change any settings, there are no safety arms or safety latch. The only information you get to see is your distance, your steps, and your time (kind of wish they could add your pace or the speed of the treadmill in real time). 

You change the speed by walking in a specific zone. It's kind of a frustrating experience actually, because I am often inadvertently changing the speed of the pace unintentionally because I have a long stride. But when I'm spot on, it's great. I decided to order the hydraulic bar attachment, which allows the speed to increase from 3.5 to 5mph, in case I ever wanted to run on it (might take me a while to work up to that, but it's good to know the option is there). 

I bought this because I wanted the ability to increase my steps goal without having to go outside (I'm an introvert, what can I say?), especially while watching TV. In reality though, I was making all kinds of excuses. I live in an urban area, I'm a young woman who lives alone, and I'm not in the safest of neighborhoods. Living in WA state, the weather is only 3-bears perfect probably 2 months out of the year. Right now it's in the 90s and the last thing I want to do is go for a stroll and have to shower afterwards. The rest of the year it's raining or threatening rain. And besides, it's so boring to walk around the neighborhood. With this baby, I can set it up in front of my TV and concentrate on watching my program while getting my steps in.

It is still heavy. They could only reduce the weight so much. It's large and unwieldy enough
to be glad that I have it set up right where I want to use it because I just know that trying to pull it out from under my bed and roll it down the hallway and getting it around my furniture would not be happening. It definitely could have used some kind of handlebar system on the back end to give me something to grasp while wheeling it around, though. If the hydraulic bar could lock in place when it was down that would be perfect, but it moves so it won't work for that.

The other issue I have it that it is so thin that it doesn't work well on carpet. Some thicker rubber feet on the bottom would be ideal. As of right now, I have to place a piece of particleboard under the back end so that the tread doesn't rub against my carpet. It had left powdery streak marks, which I didn't realize was a problem (it can be vacuumed up) until the treadmill gave me an E2 error code one day from overheating due to all the friction on the carpet. Which, by the way, is no fun when the treadmill abruptly stops and you so weren't ready for that. Thank goodness I wasn't running on it!! Maybe some warning beeps or something? Slow before stopping? Anything? lol

Really though, those are minor gripes for what I'm getting here. I mean look at how little space it takes up! As long as I'm watching TV, I can pull that sucker down and get in a few extra steps. My goal is at least 10,000 steps a day. And now the weather doesn't even matter. I can do it any time. NO MORE EXCUSES! :D

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Am I the only one?

This is me reaching out to other people that have lost loved ones/spouses in the past many years ago. I'm reaching out to see if others experience this as well.

I keep dreaming about Josh (short blurb here for those who don't know). It's been more than 10 years since his passing but it seems as though my unconscious brain has not given up hope of being reunited in some way. At this point, I think I've dreampt up every feasible way of being reunited with him; from him faking his own death, to being reincarnated, to last night, actually taking the lock of hair that I had saved and used his DNA to clone him. The funny thing is my brain is trying to rationalize it somehow because if you know me, you know that I'm a logical thinker and require explanations for everything. 

And don't get me wrong, I don't mind dreaming about my Joshie at all; and generally speaking, when I think back on the dream I had, I was not unhappy or sad in it. But I sure as hell am sad/disappointed after I wake up. It's no fun to be yanked out of the reality you built for yourself, especially when it includes a deceased loved one.

I just wonder if anybody else does this? 10+ years later, are you still dreaming of someone who has passed on? Is your brain trying to rationalize their death, or trying to explain how they suddenly came back to life (wishful thinking)? Is this normal?

I'm starting to wonder if it's because I believe that we were soul mates, and maybe it means something significant whenever I dream about him. I don't know. Does this mean that I haven't really moved on? Somehow I don't think that's the case because my brain certainly knows it. It's using his DNA to clone him ffs. Obviously I know he's gone.

Anyway, let me know in the comments please! I hope I'm not alone, here.

Sunday, August 12, 2018

Getting Lasik

I finally pulled the trigger. With a $1200 off coupon (for $12) and $950 saved up in my HSA for medical use, I decided to finally get Lasik surgery.

To be fair, I'm probably the least likely person to need such a procedure. The only reason my contacts bug me constantly is because I never wore them correctly. They are 30-day night and day lenses, and they say you can sleep in them (although eye doctors are against that), so it was like having Lasik surgery because they just sit in your eyes and you forget about them most days. Until your eyes start itching, you rub them a lot, the lens moves, or pops out, or gets cloudy. Sometimes if you rub enough it'll slide up to another part of your eyeball or fold over on itself and it'll feel like you're being stabbed in the eyeball every time you blink. I'd often pinch my eye trying to take them out, which is why I would just leave them in my eyes until one of them became unmanageable and then I'd just replace that one lens with another. They're a pain sure, but much better than glasses, no doubt.

[Case in point, I literally just experienced my worst nightmare while in the shower the other day; having been forced to wear my glasses before my procedure I was all but blind while taking a shower and yup, there was a spider.] 

I decided to take the plunge with Lasik after an experience of driving out to the mountains in the middle of the night to take milky way photos, and my contact was being horrible and blurry and I finally decided to see if I could rinse it real quick and put it back in my eye, and it never made it back in my eye and I drove up the windy roads in the dark, basically blind in one eye. Good times.

Anyway so here was my experience: I chose King Lasik due to the massive amount of good reviews and the extensive training Dr King has had doing these surgeries. Plus, they added a satellite location down in Tacoma which would make my follow ups much easier to do. I was able to make an appointment online for Monday 8/6, and the consult was basically just checking my eyes to make sure I was a good candidate. The doc there told me that I had slightly dry eyes (which I had no idea) recommended that I start taking an omega-3 supplement. After that was done, I talked to a lady about how much it would cost, and I booked my surgery for that very Saturday. Basically it is $5,000, but that includes the wavefront scan [which makes it a custom Lasik procedure, much safer. Read up on it here], using the Intralase laser instead of the microkeratome [read up on that here], and lifetime enhancements in case my eyesight were to ever regress to needing a prescription again (which, admittedly, is a very low chance).
I got my two eye drop prescriptions filled (one is an antibiotic, the other is a steroid drop) and went in on Saturday with my mom so that she could drive me home. They first took me back to do the wavefront test on my eyes and gave me a care package that included sunglasses, sleeping glasses, and of course, a tumbler. And then I went over financials with another guy. Obviously they will need payment upfront because it's a cosmetic procedure and not covered by insurance. That's when I also received my one lorazepam pill. After that, I was taken to their "relaxation suite" to wait for my turn. They were pumpin' people in and out of this office; it was crazy. Lasik can be done in about 15 minutes. Add that to about a 15 min turnaround time to prep and sterilize the room, they were gettin'em done every 30 minutes.

The Lorazepam kicked in while I was waiting, and it made me tired and heavy but didn't do much to alleviate my anxiety.  I got to meet Dr. King to ask any questions before I was walked into the laser room. 

First step was the numbing drops; and then I was put into position for the first laser. This laser is the uncomfortable one. He places a plastic shield over one eye and tapes the other shut, and it causes pressure on your socket. The laser is then pressed directly down onto that shield, creating even more pressure. All I could see were these little flashing pinpricks of light as the laser cut open my corneal flap. After both eyes were done, I was completely blurry as I was walked over to the other chair. I laid down on this one, and my eyelashes got taped back. The worst part was Dr. King having to lift the corneal flap. I could feel it, and it was disturbing and uncomfortable. The lorzeapam was barely helping at this point. I was breathing heavily and was super anxious; wondering how I'd feel without the drug in my system. Now that the corneal flap was out of the way, all I had to do then was stare at the laser, and smell the retinal tissue burning (smells like burning hair).

Then, it was over. I felt a little ill, and I was shaking, but otherwise okay. Dr. King checked my eyes with the microscope quickly and declared me a success. Hooray? After that, I got to go home. I wore the wrap-around night-time glasses basically all afternoon. I had to avoid straining my eyes, so I couldn't get on my phone or computer, or watch TV. I have to take both sets of drops every 4 hours for a week, and the refresh drops ever 1-2 hours for 2 weeks. I also can't rub my eyes and I have to wear the night mask for the next week.

Like they say, the first couple hours after the procedure are the worst, but I think I personally got off very lucky. I managed to sleep for a little over an hour after I got home, but I had a stinging sensation in my eyes for a couple of hours. They didn't water much at all. It was just kind of uncomfortable. And my eyes felt fatigued so even though I wanted to check out how good my eyes have gotten, I just continued to wear the night mask (which isn't really a "mask", just sunglasses with foam for comfort) and keep my eyes closed for the remainder of the afternoon. I did end up with burst blood vessels in each eye which should dissipate in about a week, otherwise, I was/am doing very well.

Today at my post op, I got my "legal to drive" card that overrides the "c" on my driver's license. I have 20/20 vision now, even though I'm still having some hazy blurriness from the procedure, which should go away in a few days. She also told me "Good job not rubbing your eyes. I don't see any wrinkles." and I was basically like "wat???" in my head. I had no idea that I could flipping winkle my corneas. That's a good reason not to rub your eyes. Much more convincing than someone just saying "don't rub your eyes". I'd be like, "bitch please." lol

Anyway, now that my vision is fixed, is anyone interested in contact lens solution and about a year's worth of -3.00d Air Optix night and day contacts? (They aren't cheap!!) Hit me up if you're interested. 

Man, I sure am going to miss my anti-onion powers.

Monday, July 9, 2018

Do I Have a Type?

Hmmm, I don't know, maybe. 3 of them have English accents.

Damn celebrities.

Sunday, July 8, 2018

The Fat Diet

Always Hungry?

No diet is worth doing unless you can sustain it.

It is not a diet, it is a lifestyle change.

Heard those mantras before? Well, they're not lying.

I now know why I lost 2 lbs on the whole30 diet.

I had come to the realization that fat is not your enemy, it is your friend. I'm not sure how that warped back into a low-fat diet within the last 3 years, though. The whole30 diet is not a sustainable model. It's not realistic, having to make all of your sauces - all of your mayonnaise and BBQ and ketchup because you can't have 1 ounce of sugar - even the fake stuff. You had to find special tuna because Chicken of the Sea wasn't good enough for this special diet (it has soy in it). So even though I lost 2 lbs, I didn't know why, so it wasn't worth trying to keep going.

Until I read Always Hungry?. Turns out there's a reason low-fat diets are not good for you, and why eating fat - healthy fat - is. Besides the fact that it is satiating, eating fat tells your body that it's okay to let go of the stores of fat that you already have. It won't store fat that you don't need (or that it thinks you don't need). Trying to restrict calories and exercise works in the short term, but then you are always struggling with cravings and willpower. My nutritionist would constantly tell me to distract myself by going for a walk, or doing something fun in the evening when I'm just sitting on the couch watching TV, and even after eating dinner, my brain is like "hmm, I could go for some more food."

It was always a struggle. I kept reading to "eat more protein. Protein takes more calories to break down and it's filling". No. No actually it's not. I busted my ass shoving protein down my gullet - all healthy proteins by the way. Chicken breast, greek yogurt, tuna, collagen, whey and casein shakes. See a trend here? They're all little to no fat. They sound healthy, right? But I was always eating more. I would throw mass amounts of collagen into my breakfast bars so that I would get 20g right off the bat in the morning. But, my breakfast bars are made of carbs. And by 9am I was already drinking my 36oz of water trying to fight back the hunger that was slowly creeping up on me. By 10 I needed a snack. And by 11:30 I wanted lunch like nobody's bin'ness. 

Knowing how hungry I always was by lunch time, I'd do a trick I bet a lot of you do: Overeating. Trying to stuff yourself as much as you can so that you can "make it" to dinner. It never worked. My minestrone "soup"? Sounds like a super-soup right? (Btw I exchanged the brown rice for barley and lentils) Even those carbs, those healthy, slow digesting carbs, had me hungry an hour later. There was no fat in that soup. No fat in my chicken salad (besides a smidge of mayonnaise just to hold it together), and no fat in my broccoli slaw salad.

I needed a snack by 3pm.

And by the time I got home at 5pm, I wanted dinner.

Eating dinner so early had me wanting to eat again before bed.

This wasn't working.

You can be on a plan where you don't constantly have to fight your cravings or willpower. The physician who wrote this book is not trying to sell you some "diet plan" complete with spending hundreds of dollars on branded products. He's getting nothing out of telling you this information (and sharing helpful recipes) besides the money he gets from selling the book. All he wants in return is to spread the news. I grew up in the era of fat being bad. I spent the last 2 months craving carbs and overeating and gained almost 10 pounds. I'm done with this low fat bullshit. 

I give plasma every week. It's almost like having a mini-physical all the time. They check my iron, Total Protein, blood pressure, temperature, and weight. Today my protein was 7.2. That's crazy. Back when I was trying to throw as much protein at myself as I could possibly stand, it was often below 7. (There are theories out there about protein turning into fat if you eat too much, or not being able to digest more than 30g at a time etc) and my weight? I'd lost 3 lbs since last week. (I always do plasma early in the morning because it's not as busy, so the weight stays pretty consistent). 

And I'm going to tell you right now, although Always Hungry? is about reducing carb intake, it's not as strict as Keto or Atkins. And right now, I'm not even doing any of the recipes in the book (I'm really just reading it for the science lol) I just register my food in myfitnesspal and try to reduce the amount of carbs I get over time while increasing my healthy fats (I know, it's hard. Eating fat is a lot of calories and I've been trying to do the "low cal" thing for so long it's become ingrained into my subconscious) But not all calories are the same and it will give you that satiating feeling (not just the "full" feeling!) so that you don't have to eat more trying to chase away the hunger that always seems to be present somewhere in the background.

I'm going slow, but I can already tell that's it's working. Its astonishing. I'm still getting probably 30% carbs (while keto has you only eating 5%) and I'm still trying to reduce this number, but even at this level it's working wonders. I don't get a bunch of energy from eating this way, but I can tell you that I've pretty much stopped crashing throughout my workday. Right now I've taken out even the healthy carbs like everything that was in my minestrone soup because I knew it wasn't helping me any. I'm eating egg salad and putting more fat in my chicken salad, and using full fat dressings, changing one meal at a time (will worry about dinners later). The only carbs I get during the day are from things that happen to have some added sugar like my Lighthouse Asian Sesame dressing (which I will switch out when I'm done with it), and the small amount of carbs that come in my yogurt and mayonnaise etc. Absolutely no grains. Also, on the plus side, anything that has added dietary fiber, you can minus from your carb total (it's called net carbs). At first I thought well damn, I can't have avocado because it has 12g of carbs!! But guess what? 9 of those grams are actually fiber. So, an avocado only has 3g. HA. So cheater.

credit to W. McPh - something. I can't read it, sorry :P

Anyway, I've made this post WAY longer than I intended so I'll stop talking now. Just consider it. Read the book (he scienced the shit out of diets lol but it's all in laymens terms with pictures and examples) and draw your own conclusions. Try it out for a week or two; see how you feel. Start slow. Take it easy on yourself. You don't have to dive in 100%.
Let me know how it goes, and I'll keep ya'll apprised of my progress!!


Thursday, June 14, 2018

I Got Saved by Sexy Firemen

Well, one of them was sexy. I think. According to my supervisor, who was outside the elevator taking pictures.

Since I was trapped inside.

Luckily, I wasn't alone. Not because I'm an introvert and being in an elevator with talkie people is the worst possible situation for someone like me, but because according to Rosanne (my sup) I would have been a low priority for property management. 

Ah, the politics of an elevator rescue.

So let me start at the beginning. I was heading home from work. I'm on the 2nd floor of a 4 story building (not including the garage). I got in the elevator with a Bonnie Hill patient and her young daughter, who was probably 7 or something (I don't know, I'm horrible with child spawn and their perceived ages). A Pulmonary employee from the 3rd floor was already inside. 

The elevator reached the Lobby level where I get off, but the doors wouldn't open. They tried to, but acted like they were stuck. We try the emergency button and get nothing. We try the emergency phone but it's dead (isn't that comforting??). We try going down to the garage to see if the doors will open at any other floor but they refuse. To top it off, the elevator keeps being recalled to floors for other people but the doors never open, so we are unwitting travelers and it's making the Bonnie Hill patient feel dizzy. I call my office with my .5 bars of cell service and ask Bev to get maintenance. We can hear them talking on the 2nd floor, asking if we're all right, and how many people are inside, etc. When they learn that a patient and her small daughter are on board, they decide to call the fire department. That's about 15-20 minutes in. They manage to stop the elevator from moving at this point. The child is playing on the phone drawing butterflies. She's blessedly silent and unafraid. I think the mother is worse off than she is.

Neither the pulmonary employee or myself are worried. The elevator is not broken; we're at no risk of plummeting to our deaths (not that we'd have far to travel), it's just a little stuffy and annoying. I have plenty of battery of my phone and start facebook-tweeting the event. I even have food if we end up being trapped for too long, but needing a bathroom in the future was much more likely and pressing of an issue. 

The fire department comes, and that's when things get interesting. The clinic closed at 4:30 so everyone is out there watching the action, including my supervisor who I can see in a crack through the door.

"Shouldn't you be working?" I call out. After all, they are getting paid to watch me suffer while I am off the clock. Rosanne snaps a photo in response.

We start to hear talk of possibly having to access the roof of the elevator and pull us up from the 3rd floor. I look up at the already partially removed panel (that literally had nothing to do with our rescue), and kind of got worried. There's no way I can pull myself up through that.

But just when things began to look grim, the doors finally open. At this point we'd been stuck for an hour, but it wasn't a horrible experience. We weren't overly crowded. No one tried to strike up awkward conversations, or anyone who ended up crying and afraid for their lives. We just kind of silently sat around on our phones, waiting for rescue. Even the little one was amazingly chill.

Unfortunately, the apparently sexy fireman that Rosanne was texting me about was currently on the 3rd floor in case we needed to be pulled up, so I never got to see him.

After going back inside to use the restroom, I decided to take the stairs down to the lobby and caught this picture of our rescue-mobile. 

People joked (including me) that I should be taking the stairs from now on but I really don't care. I mean sure, taking the stairs is great but my building is built strangely and taking the stairs is kind of an inconvenience. Plus, it's hard on my ankles when I wear heels :P

So that's my excitement for the year. I can definitely strike "getting saved by sexy firemen" off my bucket list!