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Thursday, March 29, 2012

A Change in the Right Direction?

Arguing with my Husband is exhausting and pointless. We never get anywhere when we argue, and our screaming matches can last for hours. We have hurt many pieces of furniture in our anger, and let me tell you, custom interior doors are not as cheap as you think. We are both stubborn, and unfortunately, I beat him out on this trait. I am unforgiving and relentless. I don't care how long the argument lasts - I will go at it until I win. See, Justin and I are very different, but in a lot of ways we are the same. All I care about is who is right, and all he cares about is who is wrong. When I told him that he had no tact, and that I get angry when he blurts out "you are wrong" without approaching the situation with more tact, his argument is "well, then how do I tell you that you're wrong, then?". Of course, figuring out that who is right and who is wrong isn't important, can be challenging. And unfortunately, these are not few-and-far-between fights. They're once a month, at least. We both need to learn some things, and it's definitely not one-sided. Justin wants to solve the problem right that minute, and most of the time, I don't. But, he doesn't see that. He'll block my way; force a confrontation. And I shut down. Because all I want is space and time to cool off. But I'm usually the one that keeps the fight going too. I will say things and do things that make him madder, because I can. I don't know why. I take a long time to cool off. I stew, and I grudge a little. For about 24 hours normally. And I never admit when I'm wrong. That, I will probably never figure out. Because one thing that Justin is good at, after he's gone through his yelling and blocking me phases, is calming down and admitting he was wrong, even if he wasn't.

I want to try something new, but gosh it is so difficult to change, especially when you're angry and in an argument. I would have tried it yesterday during our most recent spat (ha, spat), but I completely forgot. And even if I don't forget, it's hard to want to do it. I can't help being the way that I am when I'm just sooo angry. I just get so damned angry.
I'm pulling the idea from Fifty Shades of Grey. Yes, I've been reading that series but it's not what you think. Not exactly, anyway. Just like in writing, I see ideas that I can mold and make into my own ideas. Now, the book (well, the first one anyway) is based upon a dominant and submissive. This is the first book I've read like this, and it gave me an idea I'm hoping I can implement. Perhaps I can be a version of my own submissive. I don't mean for everything. The man can't demand sexual favors from me, or tell me to do something that is inappropriate or wrong or illegal. However, what if, during a heated argument, I just... give up? Do what he wants? It goes against every fiber of my being. I want to fight. I want to defend myself. I want to scream and yell and get my point across. But, it also causes these damn arguments. If I can learn to take a breath, and just do as he asks (whether he tells me to "shut the hell up", or when he asks me a question, just to answer him no matter how ridiculous it sounds, or whatever it is) our arguments may not exist. I don't know, I'm willing to give it a shot, if I can remember to do it while in battle. ("FIGHT!").
Oh, and for the skeptics out there, I know that Justin would not take advantage of this. He's not that way, trust me. We've lived together for almost 6 years, and married for almost 3 of that. All he wants is the fight to end, and for us to be happy. We butt heads a LOT. This is nor normal. So, I'm hoping I can get this to work. I have to climb a pretty large wall to get my ego to shut up. I'll just be calm, quiet, downcast, and hope the fight blows over. What do y'all think?

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