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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

AB: A Confession


I'm going to try and be as open and honest as possible here, and it's not as easy as one might think. After all, friends, family, and strangers read my blog and I don't want them to think I'm some crazy... person. As most of you know, I kind of obsess - okay, greatly obsess, over a certain food celebrity. And as most of you know, I have a crush on him. I've heard it been said that crushes can result from a lack of romantic love from your partner if you have one, or just lack of love in general. You reach out to something else; whether tangible or not, for that feeling that you actually crave from someone close. Whether that's true or not I don't know, but it makes perfect sense to me. I've had crushes ever since I can remember. From school teachers to celebrities, I've obsessed over unreachable men. And oddly enough, I rarely had crushes on guys that were reachable. Even if they weren't in my "league" at least I could talk to them and say "hey I like you" and get rejected. But, I've never even done that. It was much safer to swoon over a guy I knew I could never have a chance with; to imagine things and yes, to even write fiction about.

I understand that I actually know very little about Alton Brown. Yes, he shares quite a lot about his life online; in articles or on twitter, so I do know a fair amount. But I don't know him personally. I wish I did, because honestly he sounds like a great, fun person to hang out with in general; but I digress. I love this man, yet I know him very little. I've met him four times in my life, and watch everything he's in, and I can reasonably say that this is more than a mere crush. It has been for a while, but I've never fully admitted it until now. I've had crushes. I obsess for a little while... sigh and swoon when I see them on TV or in real life, but I get over it within a few months. I move on, as is natural for silly crushes. With Alton it's been almost 4 years.

And the reason I'm writing this today is because I'm trying to rationalize it. Maybe when I was living with Justin, Alton Brown and Good Eats were my escape. Loving him, and writing stories was my way of getting what I needed in my relationship. Would I say that is a reason we're not together right now? Possibly. Justin has a hard time expressing himself, and while I know it deeply bugged him that I had this... obsession with another man, it never really went beyond that. And now that him and I are separated  I no longer have this need to fulfill. But yet, the crush remains; just as strong as day one.

Another reason I'm trying to rationalize it is because Alton Brown is no spring chicken. I am 28. He is 50. And while I do enjoy me some Jake Gyllenhaal from time to time, I've mostly had crushes on older men. Since this is a confession, I'll point out that my first real crush was with a 7th grade teacher. At the time he was 47. That's a huge gap, and although I will tell you that looks do matter, it makes me feel secure that a man's personality is the top contributor.
I didn't fall for Alton's looks right away. Yeah sure, he looked good on TV. And for the first month or two of watching his show, I just found it entertaining - especially since cooking was for the devil :P. I've always said that humor was my number one attraction factor, and Alton Brown was no exception. I found him extremely funny. Intelligence is also competing for first place, and the man was that too - no doubt about it. It was after that, I began to see him in a whole new light. A man's hair is one of the top things I look for physically, and I've always loved that spiky look. His eyes; also something I watch for. And as insane as this sounds, I feel proud that I fell in love with his personality before I ogled at his looks. The fact that he's now 50 does bug me, but probably not as much as it should. However, I also think that age shouldn't be a deciding factor in who you fall in love with. I should point out that Good Eats has been running since 1999, and of course I find his 38-year-old self much more attractive :P.

I know some people would say that "love" is too strong of a word for somebody you don't actually know. Those would probably be the same people that say you don't know a person online, either. As long as the person on the other end is being honest, you learn plenty. I know, because my late fiancee was met online, in a chatroom. The other argument is that he's an actor - what do you actually see? Well, unlike movie and TV celebrities like Jake Gyllenhaal, who I don't know in the slightest because he's a damn fine actor, Alton isn't. And I don't mean he isn't an actor, but he's a food personality and that's a bit different. He's told people in interviews before that what you see on Good Eats is him. The man on Iron Chef America is who he is. That's the way reality TV is - you see the real them, not some personality they play. At least that holds true for most legitimate programming.

Am I defending myself? Yeah, I guess I am. Because even though I know this isn't normal, I'm mostly okay with that. I can't control how I feel, as much as I may want to. And I don't WANT to be devoid of his presence in my life. I love his show Good Eats and I nearly cried when he said he was retiring from it. I've learned so much and enjoy the entertainment and knowledge is brings me. I love what interesting information Alton brings to ingredients presented on Iron Chef America. And twitter? My God, he's hilarious - and he's still teaching me! Why would I cut him out of my life just because I have a crush on him? No, it's not worth it to me.
So am I strange? Yeah. Am I messed up? Probably. I've got issues, I'll admit it. But at least I'm not falling for some lame singer like Justin Bieber. Following him to concerts and screaming his name and wanting his babies. At least I'm not tweeting him death threats for going out with Selena Gomez. Why is what I feel somehow worse than that? At least Alton Brown teaches me something!

I shall now say adieu and leave you with some fine pictures.


His plane - A Cessna 414A
His Motorcycle
                                                                   Culinary School circa 1996
Good Eats!
And because.... yeeaahhh lol

2 comments:

  1. You're right, you could do much worse! Alton is handsome, and really an all around great guy. I have to admit, watching Good Eats, I sometimes thought "what a hottie" myself. And I get the irrational, "more than a crush" feelings. I once was so obsessed with Matthew Gray Gubler from Criminal Minds, that I actually wrote him a email. At the time I think I was 24? What self respecting, grown woman writes fanmail to an actor? And what's worse, is that I got so ridiculously excited when I got his automated response. I'm more than a little ashamed. Lol

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    1. You should see how excited I got the first time Alton replied to one of my tweets. I mean, I'd already met the man probably 2-3 times by the time he joined twitter, and yet I still screamed like a fangirl when he talked to me lol. I don't know if you've read any of my past blog posts, but check this one out: http://katjaneway.blogspot.com/2012/05/ive-been-retweeted.html

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