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Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Dissection Stories

It just kind of came up in random conversation. Okay, no, it didn't. I brought it up because I was feeling left out that some people were seemingly way ahead thanks to school programs and I got jipped by going to shitty-ass Burley-Glenwood Elementary. But, since I brought up the subject, it brought back some fun memories of my school days. Some of the very few, I might add.


My first dissection was in the 3rd grade. Yes, you heard right. We had a science class in the 3rd grade, and we got to dissect a pig's eye. No see, this was before we moved and I went to shitty-ass Burley-Glenwood. Nothing this cool ever happened in that school. Anyway...
My science teacher was scary cool from what I remember. She had a hole in her throat because she smoked too much and sometimes she would talk out of the tube in her throat.

Can you believe I still grew up normal?

So anyhoo, we had to choose partners for our dissection. Because I was pretty much the 2nd least popular student in the class, I got stuck with the least popular student in the class. Not even I liked him. He was a total dumbbutt. The teacher warned us before we got started that if we were prone to throwing up, to just sit this one out. I knew I'd be fine, so I waited for my eyeball. The task was to get the lens. Which tuns out, wasn't very easy, as a black liquid substance leaked out of the eyeball as soon as you cut it open. The entire thing was covered in "ink". I tried to find the lens but at this point it was pretty much impossible. Oh, my "partner"? Went flying out of the classroom and puked in the garbage can outside. Sissy. So I just poked and prodded at it until we were done. Pretty cool.

We dissected a clam in like, the 7th grade or something. Basically just opened it up and poked around inside. I didn't have a problem with it because I knew clams couldn't "feel".
However, I did have a problem with a worm. In High School, my biology teacher, who I was brown-nosing friends with, tasked the class with dissecting a worm and writing a short report. The problem was, the worm was still alive. And I absolutely refused to dissect a living thing. She warned me that if I didn't do it, I would fail the class. She assumed I would fold, as I was getting about 107%. I didn't. Not wanting her top student to fail, she told me that I could write an external report on it instead. And then I asked her if I could let it go when I was done. Reluctantly, she agreed. And I did - right out by the football field. I was proud of myself that day.

You might be thinking: how did you handle the frog then? All high schools had to dissect a frog! Yes, that's true. We were slated to dissect a frog soon, and I had no idea how I was going to get away with not doing that assignment. Now, if the frog were dead, I wouldn't care. In fact, I'd probably be quite fascinated with the whole thing. But I'd heard that they were just asleep, so you could see their heart beat etc. I don't know if this was true or not, and we never got to find out, because some douche in another class had "played with his dissection knife" and ruined it for everybody. I got off lucky that time.
Marine Biology was my hardest dissection ever. We had to dissect a clam, but instead of 7th grade "easy mode", we had to label and classify each part of the clam. Back then, this gave me a new-found respect for surgeons, because even with just a simple clam, pointing out organs and knowing what they are is much harder that it sounds.

Yeah... that's about how I remember it lol

So, those are my dissection stories. I hope I didn't gross you out too much!

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