Avocados are Evil

I love avocados. A contradictory statement, I know. But they are evil. Because they hurt me.

You see, I have built an intolerance to avocados.

[All the millenials gasp in unison]

I know, right? Avocados have become the thing. Like, they're easy to eat and prepare, have healthy monounsaturated fats, and contain a slew of vitamins and minerals. I was eating them every single day. My chicken salad recipe, which I batch-made a week at a time, contained 1 Costco avocado in lieu of mayonnaise.
It worked great for like, a year. But all of a sudden, about 4 weeks ago, I started getting sick every day after lunch. I was getting stomach pains and bloating; it was very unpleasant. And it would last for roughly 4 hours. Unsure what could be causing it at the time, I started eliminating some things, thinking that maybe I got a bad batch of something. My salad mix was kind of old so I bought a new bag. That wasn't it. I tried eating the canned Costco chicken by itself and that was fine. So, deciding that it was most likely the avocado, I did the stupidest thing ever:

I decided to eat half an avocado with my dinner.

LOL - "aids in digestion" Yeah.

Oh man. That was the most avocado I'd had in one sitting since I started having this issue. My stomach rebelled within 20 minutes. I was getting horrible stomach pains. I decided to forcefully throw up. Pain still wouldn't stop. I got nauseated within a couple of hours and actually threw up. I took a zofran to help with the nausea, but the pain continued into the night. I could feel it traveling
through my system like a bad disease. Only by 1am was I starting to feel normal again.

Yeah, it was definitely the avocado.

I googled it (of course) and it's actually a thing, believe it or not. Weird, right? The strange thing is that what the websites offer as an explanation doesn't really fit my situation. It is generally caused by one of two things:

1. You have an intolerance to FODMAPs. FODMAPs are defined as:
FODMAP stands for "fermentable oligo-, di-, mono-saccharides and polyols" (1). These are short-chain carbs that are resistant to digestion. Instead of being absorbed into your bloodstream, they reach the far end of your intestine where most of your gut bacteria reside.Your gut bacteria then use these carbs for fuel, producing hydrogen gas and causing digestive symptoms in sensitive individuals. 
Here is a list of some common foods and ingredients that are high in FODMAPs:

• Fruits: Apples, applesauce, apricots, blackberries, boysenberries, cherries, canned fruit, dates, figs, pears, peaches, watermelon
• Sweeteners: Fructose, honey, high fructose corn syrup, xylitol, mannitol, maltitol, sorbitol
• Dairy products: Milk (from cows, goats and sheep), ice cream, most yogurts, sour cream, soft and fresh cheeses (cottage, ricotta, etc) and whey protein supplements
• Vegetables: Artichokes, asparagus, broccoli, beetroot, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, cauliflower, garlic, fennel, leeks, mushrooms, okra, onions, peas, shallots
• Legumes: Beans, chickpeas, lentils, red kidney beans, baked beans, soybeans
• Wheat: Bread, pasta, most breakfast cereals, tortillas, waffles, pancakes, crackers, biscuits
• Other grains: Barley and rye
• Beverages: Beer, fortified wines, soft drinks with high-fructose corn syrup, milk, soy milk, fruit juices

Notice that avocados aren't on that list. But apparently they are high in sorbitol, which is on the list. But I've eaten just about everything on this list and been perfectly fine. In fact, I love me some fake sugars. So I'm not sure this is the reason for my reaction. The other option is this:

2. "Latex Fruit Syndrome" (yeah, that's a thing). Apparently 30-50% of people who are allergic to latex also have a hypersensitivity to certain plant-based foods, including bananas, kiwis, bell peppers, and—you guessed it—avocados.

Again, this does not apply to me (although it does say only 30-50%). I can eat all of those without worry and I do not have an allergy to latex. 

It's not just whole avocados my stomach seems to have issue with, but also avocado mayonnaise, which I had been using in my breakfast (egg salad) as well. And that's probably why I always felt kind of "ugh" after breakfast too. So, I had to give my tub of it to Patrick, along with the rest of my avocados.

I had a funeral service for my loss.

This is my first "dietary restriction". It's going to take me a while to get used to it because it's not like I was born with an allergy to peanuts that I've learned to avoid over the course of my young life. It's just so weird to even have to think about it. Avocados are in a lot of things!

What about you? Do you have any food intolerances? Are you sensitive to FODMAPs? Let me know in the comments!