I've hated my hair basically all my life. I was born with blonde, straight hair. Then my shithole curly genes activated, and I ended up with dirty-looking ash brown course and fine curls that were impossible to manage.
When I was a kid, no one had any idea how to deal with my hair, including the fledgling internet. Not that people were posting on how to deal with curly hair back then. I just used dad's Pert+ shampoo/conditioner combo, brushed all the tangles out, and left the house with what I called "Triangle Head".
As I became an adult, I was slowly learning how to deal with my curls [not including straightening my hair because I got sick and tired of how awful my hair looked] Yes, I needed a separate conditioner - that made a ton of difference. I also learned to never brush my hair. All it would do is frizz and puff the hell out of it, as would drying it with a blow dryer. I figured out that oils were my friend (Argan oil was too heavy for my fine locks but coconut or almond oil works great). I also found a hair stylist, which I didn't even know I needed. All my life I'd gone to Fantastic Sams and gotten like a $7 cut, but they had no idea what they were doing. My hair stylist knows my hair type and my curl type and trims accordingly to make it look its best.
However, despite all these advances in my knowledge, I still hated my curls. I still had to deal with a ton of frizz even though I was only washing my hair 2-3 times a week. Then somehow, through some miracle of Google-knowing-everything, Youtube showed me a link to a video from someone called BiancaReneeToday. Although she is of a mixed race and has curls thicker than mine, I watched the hell out of her videos and absorbed all that knowledge.
There are curl types. There are porosity types. There are a ton of products I can use to help manage my curls, and tons of ways to apply them. Everybody is different, and reading reviews on products aren't always very accurate because people may have been buying products not meant for their hair type. Thanks to Bianca, I finally had some kind of idea on what would work best for me. There are shampoos and conditioners meant for curly hair (and not because they put that on the bottle) but because they are sulfate, silicone and paraben free. They have curl activator creams for "next day curls" because STOP WASHING YOUR HAIR EVERY DAY. They have diffusers for blow dryers to reduce frizz. It's crazy all the options that I have now.
And yet, I still couldn't find the perfect combination of things that made my hair look its best. Although Bianca Renee gave me the basic tools to understand my hair, I needed just a bit more. That's when I found Curly Susie. Although she's not nearly as charismatic as Bianca, her hair type is more similar to mine, and she did one particular video I found of interest: The Laura Routine / Curly Girl Method. In short, the Laura Routine is this:
1. Wash your hair normally with your shampoo/conditioner (or co-wash with only conditioner)
2. Add a f*ck ton of leave-in conditioner before exiting the shower. What kind apparently doesn't matter, but I like both Cantu and Shea Moisture for this.
3. Wrap your hair in a towel (microfiber or a cotton shirt is best to reduce frizz. I have the Aquis Hair Turban) for only 10-15 minutes to soak up all the dripping water.
4. Add a bunch of gel to your wet hair. At first I used Pantine gel that I've owned for years and hated it, so I tried the Cantu Define & Shine Custard that's not actually meant for curls but works much better.
5. Diffuse with lukewarm/cold air. This is where my routine differs. I always let my hair air dry, and when I tried following this, my hair still came out kind of crusty yet frizzy (although that might have been due to the Pantine gel). But really, I have no reason to waste my time with this step. Air drying works perfectly fine. My hair still ends up with a gel crust, but when I put it up in a ponytail for sleep, it looks perfect upon waking.
My hair looks shiny and healthy, my curls are defined and as soft as they can be for course hair, and the FRIZZ IS GONE.
I REPEAT, THE FRIZZ IS GONE.
This routine lasts for a good 2-3 days, basically until my next wash. It's amazing. I am finally in love with my curls. It only took 35 years to get here!
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Tuesday, June 25, 2019
Saturday, June 15, 2019
Love Languages
I'd heard about this off and on for a few years and have
always been curious about reading the book but never picked it up. I'd done the
quiz and read the synopsis version of what the Love Languages are, but now that
I'm finished with the book I'd like to share my thoughts.
I'd gotten the book from Patrick (I know!) who had read it
himself many years ago. I think this guy is pretty legit. The information I'm
reading I bet would help many people in their relationships. I think it might
have even helped me with Justin had I known about it back then.
So, in summary, there are 5 love languages (and many
dialects of those languages):
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
To determine your primary language (you can have a
secondary, or more than one [considered bilingual]) you can do a couple of
things. You can take the quiz, or determine what would be most detrimental to
you if it was removed from your relationship with your spouse.
Words of Affirmation includes things like "you're so
amazing" or "I love it when you ___", or giving encouragement
and positive words to your spouse.
Quality Time includes things like 20 minutes of
uninterrupted conversation, going on trips together, or planning activities
together.
Receiving Gifts [is not as selfish as it sounds] states:
"the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for,
and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to
you". It could be a physical gift that your spouse buys, but it could also
be something they've made that costs nothing. It could also be little gestures
like visiting them at work.
Acts of Service is harder to differentiate for me with
gifts, especially because Patrick and I don't live together. But he has done
sweet things like taking out my trash or washing my dishes. This is according
to the book: "Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love?
Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on
an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. The words he or she
most want to hear: "Let me do that for you."
Physical Touch doesn't just mean sexual intimacy. Physical
touch includes everything from hugging and kissing to small squeezes of the
hand and cuddling during a movie.
The book states that if you have trouble determining your
Primary Language it might be because your "Love Tank" is already full
to the brim and has been so for a long time, or it has been empty for so long
that you don't even know what could make you feel loved.
I believe I am bilingual. My Primary language is Quality
Time. It is very important to me that Patrick and I spend lots of time
together, even if only to watch a movie. We've gone on day trips, taken walks
and hikes, and even do our shopping together sometimes. Quality Conversation is
a dialect of Quality Time and is also very important to me considering I am an
introvert and prefer deep, stimulating conversations as opposed to superficial
fluff. It hurts me considerably when he changes plans on me and can't come over
or do the things we wanted to do. Even though they are legitimate excuses and I
am not angry at him over them (he does have a life outside of mine, believe it
or not!) I still feel sad that we are not getting quality time.
My other Love Language that I feel is equally as important
is Physical Touch. And I have really only determined this by using the "how
would you feel without it?" question. As Patrick and I are both
"touchers", I could only imagine what it would be like if he stopped
doing that completely. I would probably feel completely rejected and ignored
and unloved.
My quiz results |
In the book it also states that chances are pretty good that
if you speak a certain love language well, then that is probably the one you
like to receive the most also. Patrick and I both think that his is Words of
Affirmation. He is really amazing with words and will constantly tell me how
much he loves and appreciates me. Unfortunately for me, this dialect is the
hardest for me to speak so I will have to try extra hard to make sure that he
knows how much I love and appreciate him. Although I generally show this in
other ways (He loves my small gestures of affection (under the "receiving
gifts" language) which is easier for me to express towards him), I will need to learn to either speak it verbally or give him love
notes in order to make sure his love tank remains at capacity.
What about you? Have you read the book or done the quiz? What is your primary love language? Let me know in the comments!
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